Raccoons and All, Part 1 By Daniel Hooker I met Olga as I walked into Island Lumber here on Vashon Island (a place I’ve called home for many years). Olga’s bright smile and courteous questions immediately caught my attention. As I walked on, the faint accent registered. I turned and asked Olga where she was…
By Daniel Hooker One of the worst critics of my joke column passed away; I went to his funeral and I stared into his coffin: “You’re dead wrong. Thinking outside of the box is better.” ~ Someone asked me where my grandmother and grandfather lived. I replied, “Alaska.” “Never mind,” he replied, “I’ll ask her…
By Daniel Hooker Did you know that Atheism is a non-prophet organization? It should be investigated by DOGE, Congress, and the WHO for taxation without representation. ~ I have a new response to people’s questions about why I’m walking on crutches: “I’m avoiding a Cane Mutiny and a Staff Infection.” ~ An original from my…
By Daniel Hooker Q: What do you get when you cross a GPS with an alligator? A: A navigator. ~ I have a contact lens problem. I have no solution. ~ I want to tell you about this woman that I know who only eats plants. I know you never heard of her-bavore. ~ I…
By Daniel Hooker Q. What do you call a man who has been digging all day? A. Dug. Q. What do you call a man who hasn’t been digging all day? A. Dug-less. ~ Q. What do you call a cow with a twitch? A. Beef jerky. ~ I injured myself last month playing with…
By Daniel Hooker Amelia, a librarian at the Vashon Library, said that she ate a synonym roll yesterday. It gave her the saurus’t throat she ever had. ~ From Chad at the library: What is Grumpy of the Seven Dwarves’ favorite bread? Sour, d’oh. ~ From a checker at Thriftway: Q. Have you heard about…
By Daniel Hooker If someone in an electric car hits you, can they be charged with battery? ~ If a weatherman has cataracts, are all of his forecasts partly cloudy? ~ Q. If an electrician’s children get out of line, does he ground them? A. Only if they’re slightly wired. ~ “How much does the…
By Daniel Hooker Never donate to people who collect money for marathons. They just take the money and run. ~ Did you hear about the man who spontaneously evaporated? He’s mist. ~ I used to be addicted to soap. Now I’m clean. ~ Why don’t blind people skydive? It scares the heck out of the…
By Daniel Hooker Q. How do old hippies count their wives? A. One Missis ‘Ippie, two Missis ‘Ippie, three Missis ‘Ippie …. ~ A friend reminded me of the hit song, “Walk Like an Egyptian.” I tried that. Then I had to find a Cairopractor. ~ I just tried the new firefighter’s weight loss system….
By Daniel Hooker From Pam: Q. What should you do if you overdose on seaweed? A. Seek kelp. ~ My editor wants all my jokes to be pc. But I don’t even own a pc. ~ Did you hear that the Swedish Navy has put bar codes on the bows of all their ships? Yes,…