By Daniel Hooker Olga and I met at our Vashon Library, to complete the second part of her story (“There’s No Place Like Home.”) I listen to Olga and the details of her intensive caring for two raccoon cubs. From the after-meal belly massages (feeding being done with a small eye dropper of a bottle),…
By Daniel Hooker Q: What do you call a lazy opossum? A: A pouch potato. Editor’s note: This is a correction of this joke printed in the May issue. ~ Q: What events do spiders like to attend? A: Webinars. ~ Q: What type of bat loves doorbells? A: Ding bats. ~ Q: How did…
Raccoons and All, Part 1 By Daniel Hooker I met Olga as I walked into Island Lumber here on Vashon Island (a place I’ve called home for many years). Olga’s bright smile and courteous questions immediately caught my attention. As I walked on, the faint accent registered. I turned and asked Olga where she was…
By Daniel Hooker One of the worst critics of my joke column passed away; I went to his funeral and I stared into his coffin: “You’re dead wrong. Thinking outside of the box is better.” ~ Someone asked me where my grandmother and grandfather lived. I replied, “Alaska.” “Never mind,” he replied, “I’ll ask her…
By Daniel Hooker Did you know that Atheism is a non-prophet organization? It should be investigated by DOGE, Congress, and the WHO for taxation without representation. ~ I have a new response to people’s questions about why I’m walking on crutches: “I’m avoiding a Cane Mutiny and a Staff Infection.” ~ An original from my…
By Daniel Hooker Q: What do you get when you cross a GPS with an alligator? A: A navigator. ~ I have a contact lens problem. I have no solution. ~ I want to tell you about this woman that I know who only eats plants. I know you never heard of her-bavore. ~ I…
By Daniel Hooker Q. What do you call a man who has been digging all day? A. Dug. Q. What do you call a man who hasn’t been digging all day? A. Dug-less. ~ Q. What do you call a cow with a twitch? A. Beef jerky. ~ I injured myself last month playing with…
By Daniel Hooker Amelia, a librarian at the Vashon Library, said that she ate a synonym roll yesterday. It gave her the saurus’t throat she ever had. ~ From Chad at the library: What is Grumpy of the Seven Dwarves’ favorite bread? Sour, d’oh. ~ From a checker at Thriftway: Q. Have you heard about…
By Daniel Hooker If someone in an electric car hits you, can they be charged with battery? ~ If a weatherman has cataracts, are all of his forecasts partly cloudy? ~ Q. If an electrician’s children get out of line, does he ground them? A. Only if they’re slightly wired. ~ “How much does the…
By Daniel Hooker Never donate to people who collect money for marathons. They just take the money and run. ~ Did you hear about the man who spontaneously evaporated? He’s mist. ~ I used to be addicted to soap. Now I’m clean. ~ Why don’t blind people skydive? It scares the heck out of the…