By Daniel Hooker Never donate to people who collect money for marathons. They just take the money and run. ~ Did you hear about the man who spontaneously evaporated? He’s mist. ~ I used to be addicted to soap. Now I’m clean. ~ Why don’t blind people skydive? It scares the heck out of the…
By Daniel Hooker Q. How do old hippies count their wives? A. One Missis ‘Ippie, two Missis ‘Ippie, three Missis ‘Ippie …. ~ A friend reminded me of the hit song, “Walk Like an Egyptian.” I tried that. Then I had to find a Cairopractor. ~ I just tried the new firefighter’s weight loss system….
By Daniel Hooker From Pam: Q. What should you do if you overdose on seaweed? A. Seek kelp. ~ My editor wants all my jokes to be pc. But I don’t even own a pc. ~ Did you hear that the Swedish Navy has put bar codes on the bows of all their ships? Yes,…
By Daniel Hooker I had an experience at the Senior Center many years ago. Carl, a deaf man, was telling a joke. As he walked around the room, all you could hear was the punch line, “Dam! Dam! Dam!” The expressions on the elderly ladies were precious. They thought he had lost his mind. Finally,…
By Daniel Hooker Q: What do you call a paper airplane that can’t fly? A: Stationery! ~ I bought a new thesaurus, and all the pages were blank. I was left without a word. I thought that joke was funny, so I told it to two young people in their twenties. They asked me what…
By Daniel Hooker From Steven at the Vashon Library: By mistake, I swallowed some disappearing ink and had to go to the hospital. I had to wait to be seen. ~ Q: Why do cows have bells? A: Because their horns don’t work. ~ From Thalia at Granny’s Attic: Q: Where do they milk camels…
By Daniel Hooker Before crowbars were invented, crows used to drink at fresh streams and rivers! ~ Q. What do you call two crows fighting on a fence? A. Attempted murder! ~ Our family name is Hooker, but it used to be Baker. For obvious reasons, we were into baking. But eventually we had to…
By Daniel Hooker Q. What’s the most dangerous thing in your bathroom to use as your life preserver A. A sink! ~ From J.J. Mormon at Island Lumber: I can’t understand why New Yorkers make such a big deal about New Year’s Eve. I mean, after all, every year they drop the ball! ~ I…
By Daniel Hooker A friend came up to me and said she’s giving up ham for Christmas. I said, “Porque no?” ~ A rabbi, a priest, and a politician are on a road trip, and their car breaks down out in the country. They see a farmhouse in the distance. They walk to the farmhouse,…
Lately, I’ve been seeing a mermaid. We met online. She’s quite a catch. ~ What does a mermaid wash herself with? Tide. ~ What do you call a wreath of one hundred dollar bills? Aretha Franklins! ~ The media is a weapon of mass distraction!