By Daniel Hooker A friend came up to me and said she’s giving up ham for Christmas. I said, “Porque no?” ~ A rabbi, a priest, and a politician are on a road trip, and their car breaks down out in the country. They see a farmhouse in the distance. They walk to the farmhouse,…
Lately, I’ve been seeing a mermaid. We met online. She’s quite a catch. ~ What does a mermaid wash herself with? Tide. ~ What do you call a wreath of one hundred dollar bills? Aretha Franklins! ~ The media is a weapon of mass distraction!
By Daniel Hooker Compliments of my land lady, and expanded upon by me: I used to be interested in being a banker, just like my grandfather in Nome, Alaska. But I lost interest in making cold, hard cash. ~ You can get a sleigh online this time of year, if you’re willing toboggan. ~ What…
By Daniel Hooker I went to the doctor the other day. He said my DNA was all backwards. I said, “AND?” *** From Leslie at the Food Bank: Where do bad rainbows go? They go to prism, of course! It’s nothing bad. It’s just a light sentence, so they can reflect. *** When I was…
By Daniel Hooker A man goes to Australia after meeting a U.S. couple that shared tales of a town in the Outback called “Life.” The town had a tea called Koala that had rejuvenating properties. It took a week’s worth of travel with buses and jeeps to get to the town. Once the man arrived,…
By Daniel Hooker It’s Father’s Day. I remember being a father and why I tell dad jokes, and tell humorous stories. I studied psychology as an 18-year old in London, and worked/lived at an unfunded halfway house, called Cope House. There, I manned a Help/Suicide hotline two days a week, where humor and sharing stories…
By Daniel Hooker A friend of mine is about to become a Catholic, and he told me he was starting to study the catechisms. And it just popped into my head: “What chases a catechism? – A dogma.” A friend said to me, “You really ought to do stand up comedy!”I answered, “At my age,…
By Daniel Hooker Al Pacino has taken up knitting for his new movie. Scarf Face. ~ From my landlady, Lynn Simpson Dear Parents, You have to be aware of your children’s balanced diet, because if they eat a box of granola in the morning, they might turn out to be cereal killers!
I’d love to give credit to Alex at the Auto Parts store for this one! Why are Irish bankers so successful? Because their capital is always Dublin! And thanks to Martin Feveyear for one more Irish joke! Why do you only put 239 beans into an Irish bean stew? Because, if you put one more…
Do you know that we have five planets that are lining up right now? And one of them is Uranus. Reminding me of an old Star Trek joke! “What do the U.S.S. Enterprise and toilet paper have in common?” Well, they both circle Uranus searching for Klingons. What do you call a bunch of cattle…