By Pam (aka Gates) Johnson
Oh yeah, everybody says it’s better than the alternative, but I’m not sure. Nobody I know has tried the alternative enough to give me a firm evaluation on the pros and cons. I’m not saying that I am ready to shuffle off this mortal coil just yet, but again, getting old stinks.
First off, my body seems to be turning on me because of the not-so-kind things I did to it in days gone by. I hauled hay, ran the tractor, mowed the acre of lawn, hoisted sacks of grain and dog food, and toted kids on my left hip while doing whatever was needed with my right side. Being young and strong, I gave no second thought to what might happen to these muscles and bones in the long haul. Now I know.
The old saw, “No good deed goes unpunished” is true. The constant carrying things that were probably too heavy resulted in two hip and one knee replacements, with the possibility of the second knee coming soon. Typing, calligraphy, and pie-making turned into carpal tunnel and trigger finger syndrome. Hay crew diet and eating too much of everything became type 2 diabetes. Back stuff just goes without saying.
It might sound like my aches and pains were caused by my farm lifestyle and bad choices. To the contrary, my city-raised friends are also in the throes of aging. Maybe their long walks on the beach and European walking tours caused, or exacerbated, their worn-out hips and knees. Those “ball-type” sports resulted in shoulder problems. Eating good-for-you nuts and granola wore out their teeth. Who knows, maybe all those facts they crammed into their heads filled up the space and some stuff started falling out their ears.
It’s hard watching family and friends start to show the effects of aging. Some previously very active friends now can’t walk without pain. People I’ve known for years can’t remember my name. Sometimes words just disappear, even though you’ve used them all your life. You forget where you parked your car, if you still drive. Eyesight and hearing are on the downhill slide.
The most difficult thing to watch is seeing the light in their eyes slowly dim. And it’s hard to realize that it’s happening to me, too. If not now, it is waiting in the wings. There is no manual telling me when things will really start to decline. What do I look for? Are there signs I am ignoring or things I should be doing? Should I get more active, join more groups, become more friendly and outgoing? Should I give up my favorite foods? Stop drinking soda? Go to church? Volunteer for worthy causes? Donate?
There are some steps I am working on, like keeping up with doctor’s appointments. Making sure my will and associated documents are in order. Keeping my bills paid. Calling my family members and friends just to check in. Continuing to go exercise classes. Cleaning the house, doing the laundry, and washing the dishes.
Some things that were put off for too many years I now have time for. Finally, I have an outlet for my writing (thank you, Vashon Loop). I can teach my grandson how to cook. I can make the home improvements that were unaffordable before. I can knit. Watch whatever TV show that sparks my interest. I can, and did, get a tattoo.
A real positive that has come with age is the “I don’t care or give-a-shit” attitude that can now be turned loose. I can say what I want and not care if someone doesn’t like it. I can voice my opinions. Right or wrong, they are MY opinions. If you don’t like it, don’t listen.
I can go where I want. If I want to go to Costco at 7:00 p.m., who cares? If I want to have ice cream, and only ice cream, for dinner, I can! Nobody can tell me what to do or when to do it. If I want to curse at other drivers while I am in the car alone, let ‘er rip. And if I want to stay up all night watching bad TV, then sleep all the next day, I will do it. Liberating.
I guess the crux of this rant is: Aging is inevitable, there is no getting around it. The choice is: Do you want to go out being remembered as someone who was meek and mild, who followed the rules and never rocked the boat? Or do you want your legacy to be that person who stood up for what they believed in and wasn’t afraid to say shit if they stepped in it?
I think I am somewhere in the middle. Rules, generally speaking, should be followed. If you rock the boat too furiously, it might tip over, so be thoughtful of your “rocking.” I will scream and holler and do everything I can to keep your boat afloat. I will defend you as long as your position is defensible. And if I step in shit, I will certainly call it what it is.
