The Holiday Addition
By Dave B.
I realize this is now January and I should have created this for the December issue of The Loop, but maybe we could pose these questions for the New Year and decide if we even have answers for the below silliness.
After all, the holidays can be trying and difficult for some, so laughter might be needed. I hope this is worthy. Here goes …
Who created the Vashon Candy Canes and why would they build a double one? Did Krampus work on this project so that they would live forever as a joke? Should they be returned to Santa’s Workshop so they could be repaired repeatedly, or just finally pass away into the recycling center? (Thank you to the Elves at the Eagles who fix these every year.)
What person or persons said it was OK to serve alcohol on the ferry to people who will DRIVE off the ferry and into town? And if that is OK, can we have rumnogg please?
What is rumnogg? I think you can guess that one!
From November 15th to January 1st, can we rename the ferries for the eight reindeer? I would love to get picked up on the Southend by Blitzen or Dasher. Maybe we could make up some cool names for the various ferry routes that would make sense for where they service. Any ideas? Definitely NOT Comet for the Northend – no way!
Should we have a Krampus festival like Bremerton? I know, but good and evil go hand in hand, like dark and light, dusk and dawn, and Krampus and Santa. Would they have a drink together on the Blitzen ferry? I would love to see them with jolly red noses having an authorized rumnogg while watching our wildlife pass by at 5 knots.
Would May’s change out the elephant on top of her restaurant for a large candle or a mistletoe wreath so we can kiss before we go enjoy Thai food?
How about a Christmas pizza? After all, we do have a lot of pizza on this Island. What about a contest at the tree-lighting ceremony as to who can be the most creative with this endeavor? I would love to see what a Christmas pizza would look like. Here’s an idea, gingerbread crust, pepperoni smores, red cheese, topped with Holiday anchovies from Mexico (no tariffs on anchovies as a Christmas bonus for at least a month), and buttered rumnogg served very hot for a cold winters’ night!
Should we have more Christmas tree locations other than the two we currently have, the IGA parking lot and the fishmonger location by the Eagles?
Should we set up radar to track Santa up on Sunrise Ridge where there were at one time ICBM missiles pointed at Russia for Seattle air defense? Maybe a landing strip also, so Santa can safely visit the children on Vashon? Do we have to worry about an ICE raid? Should we make arrangements if Santa’s immigrant status is in question? He is from the North Pole. Does he need a green card one day a year?
Is Santa required to carry sleigh insurance? If so, does he use the Geico Gecko or Doug and Limo Imo? What is his deductible? Does he need theft insurance while he is in your house? If on the road he needs some quick cash, does he use OCCU, US Bank, Chase, or PSCCU?
Speaking of which, what libation does Santa enjoy after 50 million miles in a sleigh? Hot or cold, ice or none? Does he like pepperoni smores? Will Rudolf be joining him?
Why eight reindeer? Is it based on the gravity and weight ratio it would take to lift all those gifts into the sky? Was Steven Hawkings consulted on this? What mad person named all twelve of them anyway? If you ask me, they could have done a better job … Cheech and Chong did!
I could go on and on, but it is now midnight, with the rumnogg wearing off, and the rain is making me tired. I have many more for next year so stay off my naughty list, or should we go there? Up to you.
Yes, I could have Googled all of these and had answers that might make sense, but where is the fun in that? YOU can Google the answers if you so desire (if there really are answers … LOL).
Happy Holidays all. Enjoy the holiday pizza and any nogg you wish!
