Someone asked me, “What do you call a Dagwood sandwich now in modern times?
I replied, “I don’t know … Rubenesque?”
~
A burglar has been casing a mansion for weeks. On Christmas Eve, no one is home, and so he’s able to break in. He sets to work cracking the safe.
Suddenly, in the dark, he hears a voice, “Jesus is watching you.”
He turns around, looks everywhere in the dark with his flashlight, and doesn’t see anyone. He returns to cracking the safe, working more hurriedly.
He hears the voice again, “Jesus is watching you, and he’s not happy.”
The burglar finds a light switch. He turns it on, and finds he’s standing right in front of a bird cage with a parrot in it.
“Are you Jesus?” he asks.
“No, I’m Moses,” the parrot says. “The Rottweiler behind you – he’s named Jesus.”
May Jesus watch over you and your family during this holiday season and 2024. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
~
Q. Why did the elf suffer from depression?
A. He had low elf-esteem.
~
Q. What do you call an elf with ear muffs on?
A. You can call him anything you want. He can’t hear you!
~
From my friend Ariel Chilini:
I finally have a New Year’s resolution, and that’s to read more.
I’m turning off the sound on my TV and putting in captions.
