By Pam “Gates” Johnson
Lucky me. I’ve been having trouble with my stupid feet for a few years. Foot doctor, neurologist, and Joe Blow on the street all told me there is nothing they could do, so just get used to it. Pain and tingling and numbness worsened, and finally my primary care doc said, “I think it might be your back!”
That started the trip down Let’s Rule Out Stuff Lane, with stops at the orthopedic doctor, x-rays, steroid shots in the spine, and an MRI. Final decision was, “You need back surgery.” At last, there was a plan.
I’ve had plenty of surgeries in the past, but none needed all the “pre” stuff now required, probably because now I’m old. First stop was my “Periop Surgical Home.” That involved a trip to the hospital for EKG and blood tests and a nose swab. EKG was a little wonky due to high blood pressure caused by sitting on the dock waiting for the ferry (which was also sitting at the dock). That would raise anybody’s blood pressure. But just to be sure I was okay, they gave me a form to log my blood pressure three times a day for a week, then report back.
The swab showed MRSA bugs in my nose, so I was prescribed some gunk to put on a Q-tip and rub around inside twice a day for five days prior to surgery. A pain in the rear, but I can do that.
Since I live alone, there were arrangements to be made for some sort of after-care. I went to a rehab place after surgery once and it was the worst! No thanks on doing that again. I asked my daughter if she could get time off work and stay with me for a couple of weeks. Bless her heart, she applied for and got FMLA, so that is taken care of.
I mostly sleep in my power recliner. In late August, it broke. Took two months for a repairperson to come fix it. With upcoming limited mobility, I need to rely on the chair. Two weeks ago, it quit working while I was in reclining mode. Had to call my nephew to come get me out. We put new batteries in the remote and it seemed to work, but my confidence was shaken.
A few days later, I went to town and stopped at the recliner store. I told them my story and that I was afraid of getting stuck in the chair after surgery when no one was around. The saleslady said if the chair stops working, I should just climb out over the arm. I explained that would not be possible, as I would be recovering from back surgery. She told me to call repair on Monday, which I did. Repair said they could come out and look at it in January. My surgery is December 8th. No bueno. Let’s hope it keeps working.
The Periop place gave me a list of instructions of what to take, what to not take, what to do, and what not to do. There were so many prescription things I had to make a calendar to keep it all straight. No supplements a week before. Take this healing concoction twice a day for the week before. No ibuprofen but Tylenol is okay.
I’m now down to the week before. Just to make things interesting, I hosted 11 people for Thanksgiving. Perhaps not the smartest thing I have ever done. But all the prep and cooking and pie baking (about 15, I think) took my mind off the upcoming procedure.
As I was working in my kitchen, I watched a woman in a Subaru drive straight into the ditch in front of my house. She put the front tire in the ditch, then instead of doing the smart thing of stopping and trying to back out, she tried to power it forward. All that did was put the back tire into the ditch, too.
Just by chance, my son drove up. The car angle was so severe the lady couldn’t get the door open. Jake opened the door and pulled her out. She said, “I have to go to Seattle for Thanksgiving with my son,” grabbed her dog, and took off walking down the road toward the highway. The car was towed out the next day.
My anxiety is on the upswing. This is a pretty big and complicated procedure. I did a bad thing and started Googling all the risks and possible side effects. Of course, that increased my anxiety. When I told my daughter, she yelled and said to stop. She was right. I backed off Googling and am feeling a little better.
The day after Thanksgiving, I went to my last water-walking class and said, “See you in a few months” to my pool pals. Went home to finish up washing the pots and pans and clean up. After rinsing the last pan, I looked down at the floor and noticed a big puddle of water. Oh crap! Opened up the under-sink cupboard and discovered the sink had been leaking for some time. Big stinky mess!
I couldn’t call my nephew because he and his wife were out of town. Called my son, and he was off-Island. Son said to call my favorite handyman, so I did. Couldn’t believe it, but he was available and came right over. The leak was an easy fix. He even had the part in his truck. The gunky mess under the sink was another story. He removed all the bottles and soggy boxes and scooped out the goop. I set up a fan to dry up the cupboard, and all was good.
I sat down, put my feet up, and checked my email. A notice from my bank saying there was a questionable charge on my debit card. Does one believe a random email from one’s bank? I checked my account and saw two charges I did not make. Contacted my bank and they shut down my card. Of course, that is the card that all my on-line automatic payments use.
The icing on the cake was getting my mail and finding out I have been selected for King County Superior Court jury duty! On December 29th. I have to get my doctor to send a letter to them saying I will not be able to serve.
Oh, I forgot to mention that you have to get an okay from your dentist before surgery. I just changed dentists and the new guy found I needed a root canal and an extraction and that I had an abscess. All that had to be taken care of in about four weeks. It did.
Barring any other weird happenings in the next week, I should be good to go under the knife next Monday.
