By Daniel Hooker Before crowbars were invented, crows used to drink at fresh streams and rivers! ~ Q. What do you call two crows fighting on a fence? A. Attempted murder! ~ Our family name is Hooker, but it used to be Baker. For obvious reasons, we were into baking. But eventually we had to…
By Daniel Hooker With help from our Community, Granny’s Attic, Mary Ashby Milne, and of course the Vashon-Maury Island Food Bank, I have been giving clothing and bedding away for years, and it’s been a pleasure. We need volunteers! The Vashon Maury Island Food Bank serves approximately 280 individuals and families a week, and so…
By Daniel Hooker Q. What’s the most dangerous thing in your bathroom to use as your life preserver A. A sink! ~ From J.J. Mormon at Island Lumber: I can’t understand why New Yorkers make such a big deal about New Year’s Eve. I mean, after all, every year they drop the ball! ~ I…
By Daniel Hooker Recently, a friend, who like most people I know, quotes the media’s “facts” surrounding the unhoused/homeless situation, said: “Most people who are homeless are unwilling to accept help – because they’re on drugs.” It’s hard to empathize when success is measured by a human’s abilities to be a “contributing taxpayer.” Please understand…
Someone asked me, “What do you call a Dagwood sandwich now in modern times?I replied, “I don’t know … Rubenesque?” ~ A burglar has been casing a mansion for weeks. On Christmas Eve, no one is home, and so he’s able to break in. He sets to work cracking the safe. Suddenly, in the dark,…
By Daniel Hooker A friend came up to me and said she’s giving up ham for Christmas. I said, “Porque no?” ~ A rabbi, a priest, and a politician are on a road trip, and their car breaks down out in the country. They see a farmhouse in the distance. They walk to the farmhouse,…
Lately, I’ve been seeing a mermaid. We met online. She’s quite a catch. ~ What does a mermaid wash herself with? Tide. ~ What do you call a wreath of one hundred dollar bills? Aretha Franklins! ~ The media is a weapon of mass distraction!
By Daniel Hooker Compliments of my land lady, and expanded upon by me: I used to be interested in being a banker, just like my grandfather in Nome, Alaska. But I lost interest in making cold, hard cash. ~ You can get a sleigh online this time of year, if you’re willing toboggan. ~ What…
By Daniel Hooker I went to the doctor the other day. He said my DNA was all backwards. I said, “AND?” *** From Leslie at the Food Bank: Where do bad rainbows go? They go to prism, of course! It’s nothing bad. It’s just a light sentence, so they can reflect. *** When I was…
By Daniel Hooker A man goes to Australia after meeting a U.S. couple that shared tales of a town in the Outback called “Life.” The town had a tea called Koala that had rejuvenating properties. It took a week’s worth of travel with buses and jeeps to get to the town. Once the man arrived,…