By March Twisdale
Recently, I wrote an article for The Vashon Loop. A local business owner read the article, or a portion of it, and told a customer of his that he was (1) offended by the article and (2) would no longer offer The Vashon Loop on his countertop to customers. That customer also writes for The Vashon Loop. Distressed, he called me to share his own outrage at this Islander’s decision, saying he would no longer be spending his money at this person’s business!
And so the spiral downward goes. Unless we consciously choose better.
After acknowledging my fellow writer’s feelings, I said, “If you do that, how are you any different? Where does the spiral end? Continue to spend your money on his goods and services. By doing so, you are modeling healthy community skills.”
My plea was simple. Please continue to frequent this person’s place of business – even though he’s done something you disagree with. Why? Because, we have NO other option.
You, reading this sentence right now, disagree with every person on Vashon Island. So do I! Spend enough time talking to anyone and you will discover those differences. You and I and this business owner and my fellow writer are all worlds apart on one or more of our key values, morals or beliefs that define us.
This is a reality our society avoids adroitly.
Consider the adage to never discuss sex, politics, or religion at your place of work. In America, where we celebrate and cherish our individuality and differences of opinion, this advice makes perfect sense. An office that works smoothly and efficiently can be thrown into chaos or become a place of quiet distress if one person, especially the manager or owner, begins to spout off strong opinions in the workplace.
Business owners practice similar caution when engaging with customers. Doctors, massage therapists, therapists, teachers, and even baristas and housecleaners, typically keep their opinions to themselves.
This is a skill people need to have, should they wish to live peacefully in a diverse world.
Private is different than public. If you want to only be friends with people who vote as you do, worship as you do, or share a specific list of values, you can try to winnow your friends and family into such proverbial “haves and have not” categories.
But, in our shared commons? In our centers of commerce? Where we engage in necessary and desirable trade, recreation, and the work of building and sustaining a diverse community? There, we must leave our intolerance in the car, back home, or outside on the street.
Vashon has a long history of being relatively tolerant of differences. This ethos of “live and let live” has been captured by the popular and ubiquitous “Keep Vashon Weird” bumper stickers. It makes sense! How else does any community or family stay together, if not by tolerating individual “weirdnesses?”
We need tolerance. So does nature! You cannot grow a healthy, robust garden if you douse it in chemicals designed to murder all insects. Along with the aphids and coddling moths, you’ll kill off the honey bees and other pollinators. Then, where will you be?
Let’s come back to the heart of the issue.
Wedge issues are called such for a reason. They are meant to “drive a wedge” between people, families, and communities. But, what if we decide to accept wedges? What if we throw the litmus tests out the window and accept that we are all fallible? What if we focus our attention on the virtues people bring with them? And not their sins.
Just as I can say, “Talk to someone you like long enough and you’ll find something you disagree on,” I can also say, “Talk to someone you dislike for long enough and you’ll find something to admire and respect.”
This is the reason why “cancel culture” is so caustic and destructive. It invites us to view another human as a single opinion embodied. A caricature rather than a deep and vibrantly dense person with a cascade of thoughts and opinions. It is also a lie we tell ourselves, to justify reactivity, tribalism, and other amygdala-dominated knee-jerk habits.
You and I disagree – and agree – on issues that matter deeply to us. I guarantee it. I am both a staunch ally and an opposing force to every person reading this article, depending on the topic. As are you, to me. And here we are. Sharing this Island together.
