By Daniel Hooker
From Shannon on my Facebook page:
Freddie Mercury, Venus Williams, and Bruno Mars walk into a bar.
They didn’t planet that way.
~
Recently, I’ve been eating so much pickled garlic to get over a summer cold that It’s had a side effect: those people who have been flapping around and driving me batty have left the Island.
I wonder what’s going to happen when I start washing my face with witch hazel for a spell?
~
Every morning I walk my cow through the vineyards.
Yup. I herd it through the grape vines.
~
At the Food Bank, I’m telling a couple of jokes, and they’re saying something about Taylor Farms and their lettuce and stuff.
Oh yeah. Taylor Farms are flying off the shelves – they’re having a run on it.
~
Q: What’s the best part of a waffle?
A: It’s clearly the “w,” because without the “w,” it’s just “affle.”
~
From Bob at Ace Hardware:
Did you hear about the lawyer who gave up law so he could start breeding dogs?
Yep, it’s no wonder. He prefers boxers over briefs.
~
A few weeks ago, I woke up to the pitter-patter of raindrops, and went outside to cover some cardboard I’d just collected.
All of a sudden, all the hairs on my arms started tingling and standing up straight, so I went straight back inside. Lightning was striking all around me and was pretty loud. I looked on my phone app. Everywhere I looked in the Puget Sound, I could see the lightning strikes, but the center of the storm seemed to be right where I lived. It was 0.1 mile surrounding me, and I was the bullseye.
It was quite a workout. Now I’m Thor.
~
At the store, a young man was vacuuming.
I told him, “Right now, your job sucks.”
Then I said: “I’m sorry. I can’t help myself. Sometimes my sense of humor is a little ought-istic. Sometimes I ought to, sometimes I ought not to.”
