By Gates (Pam) Johnson
I am about sick and tired of talking about my stupid health. Long story short, yeah, I have some major health problems. Yeah, it’s been a long hellacious journey. Yeah, it ain’t over yet, but the big stuff is in the rear-view mirror.
Now it’s time to focus on the future. But before we slide into the positive, I’d like to throw out some things that have been said to me in the last few months. Not necessarily fun at the time, but they sure make me laugh now.
1. “Your color is great.” Why? Did I used to be green?
2. “Your face will get back to normal. Just give it some time.” Thank you for reminding me that my face does not look normal right now. I forgot that for a minute until you reminded me.
3. “I thought you had the mumps.” My back surgeon said this when I went in for a six-month check-up. He wasn’t aware that I had major jaw surgery and that was the reason I was still pretty swollen.
4. “You look like you have Bells Palsy.” Sorry that my smile isn’t the same on both sides but my darn jawbone was recently replaced with part of my scapula. Hopefully the smile will even out in the coming months.
5. “I knew this guy who was diagnosed with the same thing you have and six months later he was dead.” Just why? That one threw me for a loop. It’s not really what one should say to a person going through cancer treatment.
Okay. Enough of the whining. I am still a bit goofy-looking but much better than I was. Now it’s time to look forward and there are some big things to look forward to.
I am going to be a great-grandma in January! My perfectly wonderful granddaughter Emma is having a girl. Of course, I am way too young to be a great, but here ya go. Didn’t have much say in the matter.
We are planning a baby shower here on my deck in the next few weeks. Emma is her mother’s daughter in that she loves horses. I got her mother a pony (Debbie) when I first discovered I was pregnant. Emma had Pink Stardust until she outgrew her. Now it’s time for a new generation of horsey girls.
Did you know there are onesies that say “I’m here. Where is my pony?” And “Am I too little to ask for a pony?” You can find anything on the interweb, and I found them. I am knitting like a maniac. Sweaters. Blankets. Projects to keep me occupied while I recover.
I haven’t put on or attended a baby shower in about forever. Where does one begin in the planning process? First off, I guess we need a guest list. Emma and Colby live near Vancouver, and his family is down there too. Colby’s mom is planning a shower for that group. I get to host the north family. The guest list will be minimal, probably about 15 or 20. My deck can handle that if the weather cooperates. We could set up a croquet court in the backyard.
The menu is a slam dunk. Smash burgers on the flattop and all the associated accoutrements. Cake or a giant sheet pie? I will ask Emma what she prefers. A sheet black bottom banana cream pie is pretty awesome and easy to make. Maybe both.
Games? Emma said she doesn’t like shower games but I thought they were expected. I recall a couple of dumb games, one where you have a basket of baby stuff and people have a minute to look at it then remember what the items were. Winner gets a prize.
I think there are some disgusting games involving diapers, but those are a hard pass. Maybe one little game TBD. And then … what the heck does the winner get? Baby-related? We are all past that stage. A lotto ticket or five? A Ma Johnson pie gift certificate? Help me out here, people. I’m in the dark on this one.
Decorations? Is that a thing? What kind and how much? Streamers? Candles? I was thinking, since it will be on the deck, paper plates and napkins and plastic utensils. Argh! Decisions! I am over my head and out of my comfort zone.
Then out of the blue, I was invited to a baby shower! Not only will it be a nice get-together, it will also be a fact-finding mission. I can see what works and what does not. Ideas on decorations and games. I think this party will be outside also, so there is more incoming information for me. This is fortuitous. Should I take a little note pad or depend on my memory? Don’t want to be too obvious in my covert operation.
What else is going on in my near future? There are the trips to the cancer clinic for infusions every six weeks, but those are easy. It only involves finding someone willing to drive me, drinking a gallon or two of water the day before, and planning on a whole day in town. Oh, then sleeping when I get home because fatigue is a side effect of the drug. Slam dunk.
Now that my kitchen and deck are upgraded, I am thinking on the next project. My house could use repainting.
My nephew did some clearing for me and now I have a spot I think would be perfect for a little garage for my Bronco. Need to talk to my son about permits and sizes and all building-related things.
Those two projects are on the big side. Right now, I have to concentrate on my garden. The tomatoes are beginning to ripen. Time to pick them, roast them, and make sauce and tomato soup.
Oh, that brings me to a big thing I am working on. My cookbook! All the recipes are entered. All the photos are downloaded. An editor is waiting in the wings, we just have to set up a time to meet. Who knows? Maybe it will be ready to print in time for Christmas gifts!
So here it is. Yes, I have some health issues to deal with, but there are so many fun and interesting things for me to look forward to. Places to go, things to do, and people to see. On to the next chapter.
